Anger. Frustration. Annoyance. Ego. Superiority. Overconfidence. Humiliation.
A human such as myself goes through the aforementioned emotions quite frequently. And, truly speaking, it’s normal to feel such a way. Yesterday, locating my charger seemed impossible. Anger. So, I went ahead and yelled at my brother because he wasn’t getting up from the chair I wanted to sit on. The other day, my dad and I got into an argument over our government’s expenditure. Overconfidence. So, because he is older than I am his words/ arguments hold more value.
Here lies an illustrative situation, in which one or both of the figures do not have control over their emotions and unnecessarily burst out on the wrong person/issue. During this, one or both of the parties involved use language that demotes, degrades, and humiliates the other. The worst part is that most of us aren’t even aware of these instances and, consequently, believe that we “didn’t mean it”. Even if that were true, there is no taking it back. The words and the phrases you used are forever instilled in the mental repertoire of the other person – which affects a myriad of other aspects of their lives.
Why does this happen? I am sure most of you would have heard about the fight or flight response. For those of you who haven’t, it’s an instinctive bodily response to a stressful or difficult scenario. The sympathetic nervous system is activated when a threat is perceived, triggering an intense stress reaction that prepares the body to fight or escape. When this response is triggered, our heart rate rises and allows more oxygen to reach our major muscles. Additionally, our pain threshold decreases and our hearing becomes more acute. These modifications enable us to behave appropriately and rapidly. And so, one of the ways we express these frustrations, fears, or irritations would be by putting the other person down instead of being rational.
This psychological pseudo-justification, although may be considered sometimes, does not atone for the behavior displayed under the influence of “anger”, or any other emotion for that matter. Simply because there is no excuse to put down another person’s hopes, dreams, or self-esteem. The other person’s perspective can be difficult to look at but, even so, we must learn the ways to control, preserve and calm our emotions during situations that trigger such reactions.
So, how do we stop? Well, it is no fallacy that there will never be a time when, in a stressful situation, you won’t feel even the slightest bit of anger because it is inevitable, and frankly unrealistic, to expect us to not feel the emotions we are characterized to feel. Once you are aware of that, it is important to know when, where, and how to express those emotions. Taking deep breaths, closing your eyes, and counting back from a certain number are some short-term solutions to gain control over your thoughts and voice them in an unharmful manner. When it comes to long-term solutions, you would find it helpful to either take a shower, sleepover a decision, or distract yourself for a while. There is a science behind all that is mentioned above and, if looked up on the internet, there will be more. To conclude, wipe the slate clean now and start afresh with a positive attitude towards others!
Written by Ada Sethi, DP1
Edited by Anushka Roy, DP2
Pathways Schools 